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|Essays · Travelogs · Poetry · Comedy · Art · Digifilm||spring 2007|
Letter from the Hall of Justice
Dear Mister Klaww,
It has come to our attention that you have been portraying yourself as a ‘Super-Villain’. Please be advised that all persons claiming ‘Super-Villain’ status must first fill out form S-13 in accordance with established Hall of Justice policy so that a thorough investigation may be mounted to substantiate or invalidate such claim.
However, owing to government cutbacks, our staff has had to prioritize the work such that in certain, especially spurious cases, no investigation is warranted. Yours is such a case. It is more than apparent from your own statements and gestures that--
Furthermore, none of your aggressive actions have ever actually threatened either the lives or well-being of your erstwhile adversaries. You merely invite them to engage in self-destructive behavior, almost always failing to secure their participation.
Therefore, please find enclosed a court order to cease and desist all claim to Super-Villain status. Further violations on your part may result in seizure of your bank account or property or withholding of any welfare benefits you may now be enjoying.
Elizabeth T. Bureaucrette
P.S. I personally took the time to look into your academic records and found, to my surprise, that you are not in fact a "doctor" at all, but rather hold "ABD,All-but-dissertation" status at the University of Colorado Entomology School. Please seek counseling, Mr. Klaww.
Dear Ms. Bureaucrette,
I understand that the food at government cafeterias is somewhat less than appealing. Perhaps you might be interested in one of these delicious Cyanide Bon-Bons??
I am KLAWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!